Is This A Good Time for Me to Share?

This is my first article in improving our communications!

How do you respond to this question?  To me it is so good to be able for my brain to go to a place of having to think about this.  It is an honoring thing to do.  So often, when I have something to say, I have been thinking about it awhile and boom as soon as I see someone, I download all my thoughts onto them.  They on the other hand have not been thinking about this and have had their other thoughts on their brain.  So it  takes awhile for them to shift into what I am saying and go there.

After learning this and trying to apply, I will ask my husband when he comes in the door, “Is this a good time to talk about my amazingly, transformational ideas?” or just what happened in my day or what the repairman had to say about the oven?  Each of these might have a different response but my asking allows him to think about it.  Usually the response will be, “Let me change me clothes, or eat dinner.”  or even “Let’s talk in the morning, I have had a rough afternoon.”   Even if the answer is “Yes, this is a good time”  He still has had a chance to get his brain into listening mode and prepared to hear what I have to say.

With my son, I usually text and ask for an appointment. “When can we talk about the lawn?”  This usually works better than just barging into his life proclaiming that the yard is a jungle and I fear for the life of the dog.  He can be prepared and is more open to making the change I am requesting. Especially on the phone, asking this question is amazing.  We never know what is going on on the other side of the line.

As a receiver I have to allow myself this space too.  When someone begins a conversation, I can ask myself, “Is this a good time for me to listen to this?”  Sometimes just that honoring thought allows the space for me to attentively listen and other times, I have to say, “This sounds really important, can we set a time for me to listen?”

Have you ever been asked a question out of the blue and you feel compelled to give a quick answer?  This frequently freaks me out and makes me panic to respond.  I love allowing myself to say, “Let me think about that and get back to you?” (I usually add to call or email me if I haven’t gotten back in a reasonable amount of time, because if I have multiple thoughts running through my brain at that moment I just might forget.)

To sum it up:

Ask for time to speak.    This shows respect and care for others as well as yourself.  It can make a world of difference in how you are received.

Try it and let me know what you experience.


3 thoughts on “Is This A Good Time for Me to Share?

  1. In forty years of marriage and raising two millennial kids we’ve come to some thing that work. But before I go into that I want to say your points are well taken and I believe a lot of marriages could grow stronger or actually be saved if they are in trouble now just by these simple questions you put forth.

    The way you communicate with your son and daughters work very well.
    For us as a couple we’ve developed the following.
    A: If there is any kind of emergency communication by phone, text or email is a must. Nothing is worse then walking into the house and hearing about an emergency which may or may not have been able to be addressed earlier.
    B: As a general rule please give me at least 45 minutes to change, shower, have a cup of coffee and just cool out. (This can be set aside if my wife is in need of my attention and feels it can’t wait.)
    C: I almost always great her with a hug and a kiss and ask how her day went. She knows to leave the ordinary alone until after my shower,

    By the way this works in reverse since she has started working and I’ve retired.

    No surprises is a general rule (except of course for happy birthday etc) BY this we mean if there is any kind of negativity going on with the kids or each other we don’t wait days before we discuss it. And along with this rule we don’t ASSUME how the other will react. We give each other all the facts and trust the strength of our love and relationship (and the presence of the Lord) to make everything work together for good.

    1. Paul, Very great points. I know you an Arlene have had an amazing relationship over the years. It is never good to leave things for days to discuss, but yes allowing time to shower and change before dumping is a great example. Isn’t it great we have cell phones and can text when a real emergency comes up. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  2. Good idea to ask for permission to talk.

    On Mon, Aug 1, 2016 at 11:31 AM, Sing – a – Sonja wrote:

    > Life by Design posted: “This is my first article in improving our > communications! How do you respond to this question? To me it is so good > to be able for my brain to go to a place of having to think about this. It > is an honoring thing to do. So often, when I have something t” >

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